There was a time…
When we didn’t have much—no job, no money, no plan—but somehow, we had everything. A shared meal felt like a celebration, a walk under the stars felt like freedom, and laughing with friends until our stomachs hurt was all the therapy we ever needed.
Our days were full—of dreams, of jokes, of late-night chai, and silent support. Problems existed. Money was tight. Jobs were just distant hopes. But our hearts were light. We were alive in the truest sense.
And then, slowly, life happened.
Breakups came like storms we weren’t prepared for. Me and Vishi. Sachet and Paarul. Friendships cracked under the weight of distance, silence, and unspoken grief. Subhash, the quiet one, was left in a circle that had silently shattered.
Post-COVID, something in the world—and in us—changed. The streets opened again, but the warmth didn’t return. Everything started feeling dull. Like someone had dimmed the light in all of us.
We got jobs. Degrees. Salaries. Some of us began earning lakhs. I entered research. I chased dreams I once scribbled in the back pages of notebooks. I got what I thought I wanted. On paper, I’m doing great.
But inside?
There’s a void.
I’m happy, but not happy-happy.
Not the kind of happy where your soul smiles. Not the kind where your laugh is real and your heart feels full. It’s a muted happiness—a checkbox ticked, not a feeling felt.
I’ve tried again. Different people. New relationships. But none of them brought back that cozy, stupid, butterfly-in-the-stomach joy. It felt transactional. Temporary. Like I was trying to relive something that belonged to a different version of me.
Now, I wake up, and the silence feels heavier.
I smile in photos. I say I’m doing well. And in some ways, I am.
But I also know—I’ve lost something. A kind of innocence. A raw, unfiltered joy. That phase of life where we laughed at nonsense and cried without shame. That feeling of belonging, not just with others, but within ourselves.
We have everything now.
And yet, somehow… we have nothing.
But maybe—not all is lost.
Maybe, the sun hasn’t disappeared. Maybe it’s just hiding behind clouds I haven’t had the courage to walk through.
Maybe one day, I’ll smile with my whole heart again. Meet people who make me feel seen again. Laugh so hard I forget the weight on my shoulders.
Maybe the air will feel fresh again. Maybe my heart will feel light again.
Maybe the sun will rise again.
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