There’s always that one quiet moment—late at night, maybe around 3 AM—when everything stills, and a single question hits me hard:
“Where did it all go?”
That version of me… that life I once lived where each day felt alive, charged with purpose, full of meaning. That version wasn’t perfect, but it was real. I wasn’t just passing time—I was living it.
And truth is, I’m not looking for something entirely new anymore. I’m just trying to find that feeling again. The one I lost somewhere along the way.
I know what some people would say: “Move on, yaar.”
And I’ve tried. God knows how many times. And every time, it ended with the same empty feeling. Like I’m sleepwalking through life.
I’ve had connections since then, but nothing that surpassed her. That’s the thing—no one did. Maybe that’s why I kept looking back.
She, on the other hand? She found someone better. Moved on. Quickly. Easily, it seemed.
And here I am, stuck in rewind.
Funny thing is—I’m not alone in this.
Us three—we’re all stuck. None of us found better than what we had in the past. And no matter how much we try to mask it, it’s there—underneath everything. The ache for something that once felt like home.
But you know what? After all the besti, all the failed attempts to chase closure—I’m done. Not bitter. Not broken.
Just done. Willingly.
But that doesn’t mean I’m settling.
I want a life that feels as good or better than what I once had.
I want to feel that alive again.
And if it’s going to take time, if it’s slow, then so be it. But I want to move forward. Even if it’s inch by inch.
I want to meet someone who feels better than her.
Yeah, I get it—everyone’s unique. But I also know where my gut feels at home. And I just can’t fake comfort. I won’t.
The realisation hit me recently.
The key—my key—it’s not lost.
It’s just lying somewhere back in the past.
Back at that point where everything was in sync.
Where I was doing what I loved.
Where she entered my life.
That was the moment everything clicked.
I was teaching Arduino, working with IoT. I was in my creative, curious space—excited about tech, ideas, and life in general.
And my friend? He was busy building in SolidWorks, coding, creating things out of raw thought.
We were in our zone.
And that zone—it attracted people. It brought those two amazing girls into our lives.
They came to us because of who we were. And then…
We changed.
We stopped being those versions of ourselves.
I stopped teaching. My days started revolving around,
“Vishi, chale ghumne?”
“Chal, kuch kha lete hain.”
“Exam hai, interview hai, padh le.”
It became… empty.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s why she drifted away.
The reason she came into my life? It just wasn’t there anymore.
Honestly, even I started to feel detached when she stopped putting in the effort she used to.
She wasn’t the same girl I fell for.
But then again…
I wasn’t the same guy she fell for either.
So here I am now, trying to stitch everything together.
And I’ve come to this conclusion:
The clock stopped ticking the day I stopped being myself.
The day I stopped doing what brought me joy, what made me me.
That’s where everything froze.
If I really want my life back—if I want it to move forward—then I need to go back to that version of myself.
That place.
That moment.
So I’m asking myself:
Where did my time stop?
What was I doing back then?
And that’s where I’ll begin again.
Because I’ve not been lost all these years.
I’ve just been frozen in time.
And now…
It’s time to press play again.
—
Vinay Verma | 22-May-2025, 2:58 AM
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