A dielemma of a dielemmastic person 🙂
So, there is always a reason why we want to pay for something.
Paying not always in terms of money, but in efforts, in damage to health, or in some other way.
Like while playing pc games, we damage bit of our eyes to get the fun that is present in playing pc games. While working we damage bit of our life, so we get the money to afford other things in life.
So, my question is. Why do I want to marry?
met some people and they asked the question, what are your expectations from the girl? everyone has some, what is yours? I said none.
Now in the middle of the night, I am realizing, None?
So, I am offering her to get added to my already tonnes of problems that I already have, the load of my work, the path to do PhD, the thesis, the paper checking and so many other things, and I am wanting her to become a part of those?
I am offering to offer her a home, that is closer to her office, so that she doesn’t have to stay with relatives – so she can stay with me.
I am offering her to grow and stay relaxed while being with me, and I be the one who will be handling all the rent and house help costs, the electricity bills, the monthly ration and all the needs, the gifts to the family members. See this is the monetary side – the reality is, actually to pursue PhD I have to take a big hit on the money side, and I dont have much to offer her. It be almost slightly more – or equal to her income. So, do I want her to be there to help me financially so I can pursue my PhD? so the expenses be divided in two members rather than just me?
Another thing I have to offer her is TIME. and that is the more costly thing for me for now, I have to take out the chunk from my currently available time, the time to read papers, the time to sleep, the time to work on my PhD, and the time for my family, my friends, and the time for myself – for her!! Okay, not only for her, but for her parents’ anniversary, parents’ birthday, the relative’s birthday anniversary, and their children birthday!! whenever someone in her family gets married, I have to be there with her – won’t be good to let her go alone at that time. Honestly, I too don’t have much time with me, my all tasks already run haywire all around. Need to steal time for each. So can I offer her the time she wants? answer is difficult – but No.
Okay, if this be a love marriage, I be in super love with that person (from long time) and would want to be with them – coz I always feel good being with them, enjoying things, doing good things together, going on trip and just enjoying the marriage things with my favourite person — No, that also is not the case here. She will be a new person that I haven’t yet met or am even aware that how this person is. Even if we know or were in relationship already since long time – then parents would get us married so we get in a bond that is acceptable by the society properly.
And I am going to commit my time, my brain space, and resources to this person who is a stranger to me, now take a look at her’s side – she also is equally randomly known to me as I am to her. She has to stay with a random stranger, and in a random family – doing the duties that she never wished for, accepting the relations that she was not aware of it before. Now she is cooking food, or just staying with a random group of family. Her father set things for her, thats it. Nothing else.
Okay, let’s get to the main part: So why, what is our expectations, why we even want to get married?
Why to get married?
Closer to real reasons I could think of is,
Running and handling responsibilities alone can be bit exhausting alone, a companion around who helps or holds some of the responsibilities would be a good addition to life. Yes working alone will be faster for me, but having a partner would make the life more enjoyable. A second person to take opinion on every decision. A person to plan life with.
Yes, going on lot of events can be hectic, I need to be more strict about my time where it is getting consumed, why me, she also would need to do the same.
We can together work on our life goals, become better person – closer to what we want to go forward.
Can go on trips together, save money.
So my expectations becomes:
1. Family oriented partner,
2. Money smart,
3. Supports each other in the life goals,
4. Devotionally connected,
5. Happy to travel to new places,
6. Being an addition to life,
7. Supporting me in every good and difficult decision of life,
8. Being smart enough to understand me,
9. Understanding my work commitments too,
10. Fights are fine, but resolution should be beautiful, calming and constructive.
Why do I think that I am good and ready to take responsibility of my wife?
I dont think, anyone could be ever ready for that 100%,
But I think from my past, this is better because, I have learnt to be more wiser, more caring, more stable at life.
Financially, no one can be 100% sure, but I have learnt to be money wise, saving more, spending less, managing things. So I think I can do that.
Emotionally too, I am fine,
My Responsibilities towards my partner:
1. Providing her a safe and growing environment for her career and self,
2. Her family is also my family, so equal commitment to them,
3. She is coming first as compared to my friends and family,
4. Understanding her work commitments,
5. Taking out time for her, for her family events,
6. Planning everything with her, making her an equal contributor to our decisions,
7. Avoiding fights that can be just skipped,
8. Allowing her to be financially independent and support her for her dreams,
9. Sharing her everything first, so she becomes the person who knows everything about me, more than anyone else,
10. Taking out time for peace, family trips, alone trips, so all aspects of life can be fulfilled,
11. Trying to capture work in weekdays more, and leaving a free space on weekends for my family, travelling, doing important chores, visiting friends and family relatives, just having a peace time.
12. Taking responsibilities off from her when she is overwhelmed,
13. More when required.
When she is a good person for me?
She has build things from her base, so she knows the worth and energy for getting through the things.
She is able to understand and hear my words,
She can hear my genuine feelings, instead of mis-understanding the words,
Regarding where I be living or she be living, fine, priority will be given to both, the place where we can both be happy, we can shift there. I dont have issues travelling from gurgaon to okhla, or even if we stay in banglore or pune, things will be fine, can be managed, If the bond is strong enough then things will be fine.
So lets see, how things go,
Regarding love marriage etc, there I have felt mis-alignment, none was due to external factors. Getting through the arrange route was just an attempt to reduce the alignment issues. Family also need to be aligned, the pressure should also not be on the kids to take care of the things, so there are lot of things that matter when planning for marriage.
Via arrange settings, mostly the families can already be better aligned, there wont be much difference in culture, and both the families will be in support of each other. yes, the alignment between us is most important.
So yeah, this is just an attempt, lets see which works the most better, nothing is perfect, only the most better is fine.
See Yaa, will update later on,
Seeyaa Var Raam Chandra Ji Ki Jai,
4 May 2026, 4:27am,
P.S.
Ok I don’t drink – that destroys families, whenever guy is sad, they drink, that’s the worse, same with smoke. Sadness will never get over,
I left non-veg, coz I just can’t go forward with it, Tried it, it was fine, but not anymore. A devotional person can’t go both ways, so picked one way, skipping non-veg.
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